Cdazy Amedican Woman (final revision)

(SANDBOX AND DANDER WARNING: Following is a posting that's best read aloud, in a group so you won't be afraid)

A comment (purportedly by "Transplant," aka "Middle") to an earlier post on this present blog incorrectly suggests she is a victim of favoritism.

That uncharacteristic complaint, as well as some recent postings on Transplant's own world renown blog imply that something is amiss at "As the Line Blurs."

That is, something is "fishy in Denmark" because whoever is now controlling Transplant's blog has recently started to post . . . ummm, how do you say, "funny" pictures and inconsistent comments. These recent posts are alarming, especially if you look closely.

My conclusion is that "As the Line Blurs" has been hacked, or hijacked by a professional posting-poser I affectionately call "Cdazy Amedican Woman" (it's spelled right, just say it out loud two or three times just like it's spelled and you'll see----I mean it---- do it), and I am concerned that Transplant (and others in the soon-to-be-frozen North) may need our assistance.

For example, look carefully at this "SeaWorld" airplane recently posted to Transplant's blog:

ITS A PLASTIC MODEL!

I know because my own Youngest has one JUST LIKE IT. When he was seven, he held it in his hand and made roaring noises as he ran through the house.

And, do you see the "man" on the lower right? It's a LEGO® model (believe you me, we know LEGO® products here).

Would the real Transplant try to fool us with a plastic model? I think not.

Where would the real Transplant even get any LEGO® products (no LEGO® demanding rug-rats at that house, and everyone knows LEGO® products are a warm climate toy--frozen plastic is not a pretty sight).

And then, what about this so-called chicken picture recently posted to Transplant's blog:

The most cursory inspection shows this to be nothing more than Transplant's Other dressed in a chicken suit.

How can you tell, you might ask.

First, it's supposed to be a chicken at Youngest's house. But we all know the chickens at Youngest's house (if they are really there and not manufactured by yet another posting-poser), stand in grass, NOT sand. Go back and look closely.

Then, examine the feet in the picture here.

I mean . . . really study the feet (here's a closeup):

They are worn to a nub from marathoning, right?

No real chicken could have survived the chicken-breast-roasting heat of the marathon (and for that matter, no self-respecting chicken would ever have appeared in a picture wearing a single thong).

Thus, the feet in the picture certainly are NOT chicken feet, and the biped in the picture cannot be a chicken. It has to be Transplant's Other, Transplant's closest marathoning relative.

These observations raise the troubling question, "why is Transplant's Other forced to pose in a chicken suit and expose his tender feet, in a thong?" Is he in trouble too?

I don't know. I'm just asking the questions here, but it gets worse.

For example, there are some very candid confessions in some of the latest substantive posts to Transplant's blog.

First, Cdrazy Amedican Woman (aka the posting-poser) claims that Transplant has been confined "a holding cell for people who have had evil thoughts about baggage handlers."

Confined!

In a cell!

Evil thoughts!

The Middle I know has no "evil thoughts" about baggage handlers or anyone else. She's Lucy for goodness sakes. There's just no Vadar in her name (not withstanding the PapaDarth days).

Does that post mean Cdrazy Amedican Woman has "confined" the real Transplant without justification?

Is Transplant being forced to wear a chicken suit and expose her tender feet too?

What to do? What to do?

The posting-poser also admits to "changing time zones," that is, altering the time space continuum as we know it, an act that can only be performed by aliens, congress, or Michael J. Fox. Here, it's the heartless act of someone who is perfectly willing to inconvenience the rest of us for her own benefit. Again, this simply can not be Transplant, especially if she is held captive in a cell wearing a chicken suit!

Then the posting-poster casually mentions "spill[ing] coffee on my pink shirt."

I didn't even know my pink shirt was missing (I'll check when I get home!), but the Transplant I know wouldn't take my shirt, and if she did, she would ask first, and if she spilled coffee on it, she would send it out for cleaning.

Posting-poster even confides that her rent car "smelled like the chain smoker club was still in it," but I know Transplant does not smoke, and would not join a club for an activity she did not enjoy. And, if Transplant were joining a club, its more likely to have something to do with gardening.

The most telling admission is that posting-poster claims she drove right by the Chick Fil A," something Transplant is absolutely loathe to do.

I am beginning to suspect someone (think "Cdazy Amedican Woman") has just stolen Transplant's pictures, heisted Transplant's blog, and is posting stories and comments under Transplant's blog name. Somehow, Cdazy Amedican Woman is able to blackmail Transplant's other to dress in a ridiculous, over-sized chicken outfit and stand in a litter box showing off his thonged foot. What unearthly power justifies this unseemly domination?

Then, most recently like the thief who must return to the scene of the crime, the posting-poser, Cdazy Amedican Woman, complains here, in a hidden comment unlikely to be found by anyone except a few family members that Transplant is allegedly "a little hurt that no one has ever heisted [her] vacation pictures."

Who is this Cdazy Amedican Woman?

Why is she torturing us with veiled references to Transplant's whereabouts?

Why does she create an riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma (or a chicken suit)?

What can we do to FREE TRANSPLANT?

How can Al Gore get an Academy Award?

How many Mighty Ducks does it take to scrub the barnacles off the Brothers of the Sea Monastery sea wall?

(Well, as I was asking questions, I thought you might answer those last two as well, but, I digress).

We'd have the answers to these and many other questions if Transplant and her family had only REMAINED IN TEXAS. But alas, it cannot be so.

We then, must raise a rescue party and move forward to capture and stop Cdazy Amedican Woman and FREE TRANSPLANT from the bonds of her holding-cell-and-chicken-suited-confinement.