I raised our kids using the rubric that quantity time leads to quality moments.
Sometimes we jogged or rode bikes together. Sometimes they joined me at the office on weekends. Sometimes they sat with me and did homework for school while I worked on projects I brought home from the office. Sometimes, we just sat in the same room breathing the same air, ever mindful of each other's presence but pursuing different interests. It was those hours of unstructured time that led to discussions on some of the silliest, and other times, some of the most profound subjects.
Some today preach that we should pursue our interests with single-minded "passion" to greate successs, as if we must be charged up with heart racing adrenoline for our interests to be meaningful. As almost a footnote, we hear that to be well balanced in pursuing those passions, we should be sure to "make quality time" for those we love.
Make time for your family? What's that all about? I mean, if your loved ones aren't your primary passion in the human realm, then why bother in the first place. Go climb the mountain, win the race, make more money than anyone else, accumulate more toys. If that's the measure of success, then "go for it," and "grab all the gusto." Solomon tried it and has a great deal to say about his unfulfilling experience.
Actually, this modern day call to "passion" often is little more than an excuse to pursue something selfishly; an excuse to be ocd; an excuse to super achieve at the expense of others. Granted, it usually takes passion, focus, and goal oriented single-mindedness to achieve at incredible levels, but then, that achievement often comes at the cost of balance in other areas. The passion we pursue demands the quantity time, and the people we care about get the remains, or what we call the "quality time."
I believe that if you have to "make time" for the people you care about, you are missing the point. We all have things we have to do every day. We all have a call to be a steward of our talents so we make good use of them. If we fall into the trap of believing our talents and interests constitute our raison d'etre, we live in a delusional world of self-importance. I mean, will climbing Everest make a difference, or will it just add one more trophy to your collection? Often, Everest is no more than a self-centered pursuit.
Yet, the one area where you can make life changing differences with some attention is your family. Give your family quantity time, and you'll share quality moments when they ask you questions about issues you look for ways to bring up but can't, moments when guards are down and hearts are on display.
Just do it.
©2007 David R. Childress. All Rights Reserved.
2 comments:
Well said!
However, there may be some merit to the concept of quality time too.
Think of the parent who is "spending time with his kid," but he's actually reading the newspaper or watching a game. If there's little effort at interaction, I'm not sure there's much value in that time. If that's the only kind of time this child gets, he needs more than that.
I know people like this who kid themselves that quality doesn't matter because they're "there."
We, too, have spent many many informal hours together, that I think add up to more influence than structured "quality time." Faith among other things, is not necessarily taught as much as it is caught.
I agree with Transplant, and in my experience quality moments aren't usually planned, but arise from being there and being ready for them.
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